Every once in a while, you come across a really good movie. Like the Godfather, Shutter Island or the Hurt Locker.
Then you come across movies that are really awesome, but don't quite cut it, like the Star Wars prequels or most Jason Statham films (okay, Statham is manly awesomeness personified, but come on, his films aren't 5-star material)
Suck it, Chuck Norris
Then you get to the 'meh' films, which are... you know... fun? In a way? It's pretty safe to say that most Disney sequels (and threequels) fall under this.
And then there's this shit. It's crap. Shit usually is =D
This movie is so silly! The pacing is horrible, for one. (I fell asleep through the first part, but then the cheap scares woke me up.) I wrote down the ending at the beginning, and I predicted every scare but one. Look, Hollywood, let me tell you something. You're allowed to write bad movies, you're allowed to screen bad movies and you're allowed to distribute them. But don't use Ian McShane, Bradley Cooper and.... err... Bridget Jones? Because if you have a cast that's known for its seriousness and and depth of character, you expect the film to reflect that.
Now, though it kinda does (I mean, seriously? Zellweger in a horror movie?) I kind of expected more from it. The acting was certainly not bad, but there aren't a lot of people that can turn a shitty script into gold. Johnny Depp probably could, but he doesn't get that many bad scripts.
Bradley Cooper for instance. I like seeing him play. He's a pretty (good) actor, but not a lot more than that. Still, his character's fear of Hornets is pretty cool (oh noes, spoiler alert, the monsterchild kills you through your fears (more spoilers: it's just hallucinations, really)).
Okay, so I've established that this film isn't my cup of tea. Hell, it's not my cup of toilet-water. I can imagine people enjoying it (like I can imagine people enjoying a good slap on the bum. It's just not my thing), but I didn't. It's been a while since I wanted to walk out of a film, but there are always reasons not to.
1) I paid for this crap. It's my crap.
2) I want to know if I was right about my prediction
3) It's just not worth the shitstorm you get from the people that did like it.
So that's it.
Now, in my very style, I have to give this waste of approx 110 minutes its score.
Camera and image: 3/5