Saturday, 17 April 2010

Top 10 things that make you want to kick a puppy.

There are several things in life that just annoy the living crap out of you.
Not because they're depressing.
Not because it's mean.
Not because it's hurtful.
Because it's too frigging CHEERFUL.

10. How much is that doggie in the window.

There are some songs that should not be. There are loads of those, actually. But that song, in all it's cheerful happiness makes me want to buy the friggin puppy, just to throw it through that bloody window. Blegh.

9. Deus-ex-machina endings that make everything all right in the end.

There are SO FUCKING MANY! Look, a movie can be good, and have a happy ending. It's not that difficult!
Prince kills dragon comes to mind.

It's not like this turned out to be a bad dream, did it?

8. "Hang in there"-posters

Oh, pleeze. I'm not even going to post it. Look. I LOVE kittens. I'm a huge fan of cute and fuzzy stuff. But they don't "hang in there". They fall off the table. They run into glass doors. They attack their own tail.
It's worse with frogs. Frogs are bloody disgusting

7. Green people that think that, because they use an energy-saving lamp (which, as it turns out, has a high probability of giving you cancer), they can save the world.

You can't, okay? We fucked up, all of us. Now leave me alone. This planet could do with some or other apocalypse. Preferably a zombie apocalypse.

Bring it on. And those Green People too.

6. People who think they can make a mouse better by putting it in a cardboard box and some straw.

Look. I get it. You wanna nurture something small, feel important, and make a difference.
Please don't pick a mouse.
If you found it because your cat was playing with it, it's dead as soon as you let it go.
Just... don't.

5. Children/grownup...children that are convinced there's some good in every human being.

Err... Okay? Just... no. Look, to put it in a gamers terms: people are chaotic neutral at birth. Not good, not bad (not lawful, very chaotic :p).
People don't have a "core of light, that just wants to shine". Some people just want to hurt people, and enjoy it as much as they can.
Which brings me to:

4. Christians.

I'm sorry, but I had to.
Look, you've got an entire religion based on turning the other cheek (which can work, but not in every situation), and an entire demographic, filled with christians that like the idea of the rest of the world going to hell - literally - because they don't believe in the same thing.
That's not turning the other cheek, assholes! That's just grinning because the guy that's about to slap is going to hell, and there's no reason to slap him back. He's going to hell anyway, so what's the point. WRONG MOTIVATION!
But when they act all high and mighty, I need to kick something cute and sanctimonious, like a christian puppy.

3. Puppies

Yes. I'm sorry. I don't like dogs.

2. Dog lovers.

Seriously. Shut up. The dog doesn't know what "oozagoodddogggeee" means. And it's not gonna answer you.

1. Twilight.

ugh... I just.. argh.


  1. Heh. Funny how this relates to what I wrote three-five hours later. :P

    Still, I agree with pretty much everything. Except maybe puppies. I'd replace that with cat lovers.

  2. xp
    Yeah, read your post, and I see your point.
    Let's just keep it at "people who think of small, furry creatures as things that understand what you're talking about."